A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish. The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious.
The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the specialty of the day, and they bring him two very small balls on a big plate. The man asks, "What gives?"
And the waiter says, "Senor, the bullfighter doesn't always win!"
A man nervously dialed the office of his attorney. "I'd like to speak to my lawyer,"he told the secretary who answered the phone.
"I'm sorry,sir," the secretary told him, "but he has passed away. He's dead." The man hung up with a mumbled"Thank-you."
A week later, though, he called back. "Could I talk to my lawyer?" heasked. "Haven't we spoken before,sir?" thesecretary inquired. "I could havesworn I talked to you last week. He's dead." "OK," said the caller. "Sorry to bother you."
Only seven days afterward, though, the secretary heard aby-now-familiar voice at the other end of the line. "Is there any chance
you could connect mewith my lawyer?" the man wanted to know.
By now, the secretary was exasperated. "I know we've spoken before, sir. I've told you: he's dead! Why do you keep calling back?
Don't you get it? He'sdead!"
The man paused before he answered. "I know, I know . . .. I just enjoy hearing it so much!"
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but Isubsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender runningseveral blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender.Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer — do you have a locker room in thepolice station — a room where you changeyour clothes in preparation for you daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in aroom you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, andsometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, ''There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything.''
After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same.
After hesitating, they all did it.
''Next,'' the professor said, ''you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger.''
In the backwoods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the
middle of the night. The doctor was called in to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
"Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down. I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another baby.
"Now don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man. It seems there's yet another!" cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor. "Do ya think it's the light that's attractin' them?"